The Sponsor-Sponsee Relationship in Twelve-Step Programs

Introduction

In Twelve-Step programs, the relationship between a sponsor and a sponsee is a vital, non-hierarchical, and spiritual partnership, founded on the principle of one alcoholic or addict helping another. This document outlines the core responsibilities and the necessary boundaries to ensure this relationship is one of mutual respect and recovery.

The Role of the Sponsor

A sponsor is simply a person who has made some progress in a program of recovery and shares that experience with a new or less-experienced member. As stated in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) literature, the most effective sponsorship is based on the spiritual ideal that "we are only channels for God's love and power."

Sponsor Responsibilities

The sponsor's primary responsibilities include:

• Sharing Experience, Strength, and Hope (ESH): The sponsor shares their personal experience of working the Twelve Steps and applying the spiritual principles in their life.

• Guiding Through the Steps: They help the sponsee understand and work through the Twelve Steps, typically using the program's basic text.

• Mentoring: They act as a mentor in applying program principles to daily life and problem-solving.

• Availability: They commit to being reasonably available for calls and meetings, while maintaining healthy boundaries.

• Confidentiality: They honor the trust placed in them by maintaining strict confidentiality regarding the sponsee’s sharing (with exceptions for threats of harm to self or others).

What a Sponsor Is NOT

It is crucial to understand that a sponsor is not a professional counselor, therapist, or spiritual director.

Best Wisdom from AA

The "best wisdom" from AA and other Twelve-Step fellowships emphasizes the following points about the boundaries of sponsorship:

• NOT a Savior: A sponsor is emphatically not a savior, deity, or higher power. The literature makes it clear that the Higher Power, as the sponsee understands it, is the source of healing. A sponsor's job is to point the way to that power.

• NOT a Bank or Loan Officer: Sponsors are not responsible for the sponsee's financial well-being and should generally not lend money.

• NOT a Relationship Partner: The relationship must remain one of recovery. Cross-gender sponsorship is common and successful, but it is often suggested to avoid dating one's sponsor for a specified period, as it can complicate the focus on the Steps.

• NOT a Judge or Controller: A sponsor offers suggestions based on their experience; they do not dictate choices in employment, housing, or personal matters. The sponsee must take responsibility for their own decisions and actions.

The Role of the Sponsee

The sponsee’s role is to be teachable and willing to follow suggestions. Recovery is an active process that requires effort on their part.

Sponsee Responsibilities

• Willingness and Honesty: The sponsee must approach the Steps with rigorous honesty and willingness.

• Taking Direction: They commit to following the sponsor’s suggestions for working the Steps and incorporating program tools.

• Regular Contact: They initiate contact with the sponsor regularly, often daily, especially in early recovery.

• Action: They must take action on the Steps and principles, not just talk about them. As the program suggests, "Faith without works is dead."

The Relationship Dynamic

The sponsor-sponsee relationship is often described as a lifeline, but both individuals stand on equal footing in the program.

Responsibility	Sponsor Role	Sponsee Role
Guidance	Shares ESH and points to the literature.	Listens, is honest, and takes suggestions.
Effort	Remains a consistent, stable point of contact.	Takes full responsibility for doing the work.
Communication	Sets clear, healthy boundaries.	Respects boundaries and initiates contact.

Termination of the Relationship

The relationship may end naturally when the sponsee has found a stable footing and may eventually become a sponsor themselves. However, a relationship should be paused or terminated if:

• The sponsor is unwilling or unable to maintain sobriety or integrity.

• The sponsee consistently refuses to work the Steps.

• The boundaries of the relationship are violated.

It is always suggested that a sponsee secure a new sponsor if the current relationship is no longer contributing to their growth in recovery.